Dummer August in July

Finally Günter Grass has responded to the ongoing debate regarding his previous involvement in theWaffen- SS as a 17- year old young man in the exhibition "Dummer August." In 20 pictures along with poems Grass details his feelings and thoughts. Unfortunately, I was a few hours too late to hear Grass read his own work. Today was the opening and I was too late.

The Future is the Hidden Present

Walking along the ancient streets of Luebeck, I pondered temporality & causality as defined in early Buddhism. Letting go of desires and attachment are parts of enlightenment. We often fill our closets with things we don't need only because our hearts are empty. We hold onto people and things not realizing time destroys us all. Detaching oneself from desire makes us supple and allows us to escape the effects of time.

I bought my new suitcase today. It is so. It's time to leave.

Longing for Berlin

Luebeck is really different than Berlin. The city is slower, greener and the bus fare is more expensive. Here there is no pissed stained Tacheles to dance the night away. There is no breathtaking view of the synagogue. Just an eerily peaceful monument to the city's war dead. After walking through this somber maze, I approached this super tacky fair. Once again a strange feeling overwhelmed me. The fair hadn't opened yet and we were walking through this city of false happiness and cheap consumerism. Ironically the leitmotif was everything American. American flags flying proudly and images of famous American sports and music figures juxtaposed against stands selling shitty crepes and fatty curry wurst. The whole day was just weird! I can't wait to get back to Berlin.

The end is the beginning. . . .

Finally the last night in Berlin came and went without any problems. I passed my exams and said my goodbyes and see you laters. However, the end is often the beginning. Continuous circle of life.

Hey look mom! I'm on T.V!!

Meeting a friend for a beer and ice cream (I know that is a strange combo) we were interviewed for a German news program. "What is your opinion about the beach bar scene here? Do you have any plans to visit another beach bar?" Steffi answered, "Its really nice, because in the United States, where we are from, there isn't much opportunity to sit on the beach and enjoy a drink." Well, that's when I interjected, "On the coast one can do that, but we live so far north it makes it difficult." Then the camera was all on my and I had 15seconds of fame, which will probably be edited down to one sentence or less-- "Berlin is cool!" Anyway, it was fun.

Heute

Well, we are wrapping up this week. For the first time everyone showed up. A classmate said we should take a picture to commenorate this exceptional occurence. It was nice. Yesterday we had an excursion thoughtout the city and we really worked hard and had fun going through the city collecting pictures and information. My camera has technical problems and all the photos were deleted! Aaagh! Well, Elizabeth had taken back- up pictures. Gott sei dank! Thank God! I've planned on writing in German and I've began writing, but I need to re-edit. By the time I get to posting all my German thoughts it will be time to leave! Time slow down!!!! I can always make a memoir. Right now I don't have internet at home and it is always difficult to drive out here. So many pictures and texts. I just have to leave the blog alone for awhile and concentrate on preparing for the Exit exam. Boa Sorte!

Untitled

Every morning is the sun's light,

Guiding me till I meet the moonlight.

Clouds over my head are dark and gray,

Yet from this path I will not stray.

Swinging shadows dance on the floor,

Escaping the heat they want no more.

The East Wind breathes softly on my face,

Whispering secrets into space.

Like the web a spider has spun,

I'm stretching my arms to meet the sun.

Feeling the energy of the tree,

Allowing God to set me free.

Reflections of the Most High

While here in Berlin I've had time to focus on myself. No deadlines, papers, dog to walk, I've just got me. Solitary reflections can be lonely and uncomfortable. For ten days I lived alone in a second floor apartment in the former DDR. Quiet and peaceful I escaped to the innermost place. While there I experienced grief, sadness and anger. Catharsis. My man told me to go out and drink a beer after my days of isolation. A classmate and I went walking through the city and met many people, one of which was my brother Wika. I noticed him selling handmade jewelry and Mola crafts. He spoke to me in Spanish and told me he was from the Kuna people of Panama. We all sat together on the ground and he told me his mythology. Creation, evolution and culture was revealed to me by a man who called me Sister. "I don't think about nations or boundaries." He said, "When I come to Germany, I only think that I am seeing another side of Mother Earth. National boundaries are all in our head and is a sickness." He came to Germany to be with his son and feel the energy of the Earth. Among the Kuna, the man lives with the family of the wife (matrilocal) and believe that humankind is not the apex of creation, but rather connected to all things living and dead. He said, "We believe we come from the stars. And when we die, it is not the end, but the beginning." He was living in the moment with a stable sense of territory. This sense of stability in the world, being rooted, is something I desire. I'm trying to be grounded like him and realize that I am related to all beings and a reflection of the Most High.

Only photos

This was an exceptional day. I walked through a cold concrete maze made to look like a grave. Feeling so small against the massive leaning monument to all those who murdered during the Holocaust, I felt so insignificant. The ground was uneven and the walls leaned at 30% angles. At times I felt as if I would be swallowed whole. Grey slabs leaning in on me. I ran for the exit, but found myself trapped in that cold dead labyrinth that echoed the past. Who could ever deny this?"Ich kann gar nicht so viel essen, wie ich kotzen möchte!" I can not eat as much as I would like vomit! said Max Liebermann as Hitler triumphantly marched through the Brandenburg Gate. Collective madness and misery that infected an entire society like a terrible plague was finally dislodged from Western Europe. Hitler's nightmares have been destroyed. His lavish red marble decor now lines the Mohrenstrasse train station like rows of butchered meat. The walls ooze murder and shout injustice. Vergesst es nie, vergesst es nie! Never forget, never forget. Remember Rwanda? Don't forget Sudan. Vergesst es nie!

Cookin' Ain't Easy!!

Everytime I live in Germany, I always find myself cooking and sizzling the day away. It isn't that I don't know how to cook, but sometimes I forget. For a long time I've wondered what it is that awakens my culinary senses. Could it be the fresh produce, that chokingly polluted air or something else that makes me want to whip up Waldpilz Geschnetzeltes and Kartoffel Salat?When I lived here about 7 years ago, admittedly, I was not a very good cook. I played around with things in the kitchen and usually regretted the mess I made. However, I learned quickly that McDonald's is a poor substitute for nourishment and walking three miles to get it wasn't any fun either. So, I taught myself to cook through trial and error. I remembered some of the tricks I learned from the Food Network and cautiously followed recipes I found online. It worked-- most of the time. Emeril's recipes are still too complicated to follow and I prefer the practicality of Alton Brown or Sara Moulton to any of the gonzo exotica dishes of Iron Chef.

So, what is it that makes me want to cook in Deutschland and not at home? Familiarity and friendships, plain and simple. At home I usually know exactly what is good to eat and I trust my "instincts" cultivated by my experiences in the United States. I know the 'cultural model' of dining out in the States like the back of my hand. Chain restaurants provide consistency, but with moderate quality and taste. Specialty restaurants that are family owned can be surprisingly delicious like Ruan Thai back home. There is nothing quite like their Pad Kee Mao or Green Curry with tofu. All their food seems to have a sweet taste of heaven that can't be imitated. I know everyone by name and a few are good friends. That type of relationship doesn't happen overnight or within a year of living in a foreign country. Dining out is a social occasion, where you sit back and enjoy another person's company. On the contrary, cooking at home for one is solitary and often reflective. It takes time to settle and find one's roots. Unfortunately, I've never had the time to find my roots here. Maybe when I move here with my husband at the end of the year, we'll grow strong roots together and I'll stop cooking (at least fo awhile) and get out and taste the world.

Mauerspaziergang- Walk along the Wall 29.05.07

The rain kept coming down today. The clouds refused to stay away. This was Mauerspaziergang day. Heavy clouds looming overhead filled my heart with so much dread. A house divided can not stand, a wise man once said. Capricious and fickle, they waved the hammer and sickle. The other two flew, and of course, the red, white and blue. Mr. Hollywood came from afar and remarked that "Every man is a Berliner, forced to look upon a scar.” Ist es doch wahr? Walls made of concrete in tight physical spaces intruded onto private mental spaces. A totalitarian force obscured people's faces. Political aggression or moral transgression?"If you seek liberalization: Come here to this gate! Open this gate!"

SEE THE RING 28.05.07

Karneval der Kulturen 27.05.07

The rain seemed to hold back its fury, at least for awhile, as this year's Karneval der Kulturen 'culture carnival' in Berlin began. Turkish pop music blared out of a corner store, as a man selling Turkish fast food shouts, “Bitte schön, lecker, lecker, lecker! Ein Döner ein Euro. Bitte schön, lecker, lecker, lecker!” The heavy humid filled air carries the smell of multi- cultural cuisine throughout the bustling international crowd. Falafels, bratwurst, baklava all melt together as giggling children dance around the sidewalk eating wads of cotton candy. A cacophony of foreign tongues shouts, laughs, haggles, and scolds young children. CRASH!! A young boy breaks a bottle on the steps of a convenience store; a woman furiously mutters something in Turkish and begins clearing away the debris. The tempo changes as the parade begins. The crowd watches a group of young and agile people dressed in white loose clothing sway with the rhythm of African drumbeats and kick and play fight in the Afro- Brazilian art of Capoeira. Beyond the festive atmosphere, political expression is current and raw. “Kein Mensch ist illegal,” was a leitmotif carried throughout the parade. Masquerading asylum seekers chasing after the“visum,” while the "polizei" chased after them, made it clear that all was not well within Germany for the nearly 800,000 refugees and asylum seekers. Two large plastic and metal figures sculpted in the image of people with only "temporary protection" stroll through the street. Hollow and nearly invisible, those with "temporary protection" are without any guarantee of permanent asylum. Away from the pulsating rhythm of diversity and integration is the challenging future of Germany's diverse population.